Wife

DavidBissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.


Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.


Socrates
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.


Anonymous
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.


Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?


Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.


Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."


Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."


James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."


Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.


Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...


Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.


Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.


Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.


Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."


Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Disclaimer: I am not married, yet

Holy Cow

SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your
neighbor.

COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and
provides you with milk.

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the
milk.

BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots
one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down
the drain.

CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce
the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point
that you must sell them both in order to pay the taxes to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from
your government.

DISKLAIMER: The title 'Holy Cow' is not a swear word, but a reality back in my country, India. Use the above definitions/metaphors to help your kid learn the meanings of the terms at your own risk, but I can guarantee that your children will have a sense of humour, or two, when they grow up.